Funny OR Teasing

Lawyers..

2011-07-30T04:35:00.000-07:00

1.Q. Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?
A. If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
2. A restaurant full of lawyers was held hostage.
The bad guys threatened that, until all their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

Prison

2011-07-29T04:17:00.000-07:00

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail".

Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?"

The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said,
"I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games."

The third convict, a blonde man, was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?"

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said "I brought these."

The other two were puzzled and asked - "What can you do with those?"

He grinned and pointed to the box and said - "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating"...

Enjoy

2009-01-02T03:35:00.000-08:00

1. Importance of a period
Teacher: 'Do you know the importance of a period?'
Kid: 'Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.'

2. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential? ' Dad says, 'You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! '

3. Anger management?
Husband: 'When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?'
Wife: 'I clean the toilet.'
Husband: 'How does that help?'
Wife: 'I use your toothbrush .'

Enjoy

2009-01-02T03:33:00.000-08:00

1. Losing all your friends
Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says 'If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends.'

2. Brother wanted
A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,'send me a brother'....
Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER'....

3. Meaning of WIFE
Husband asks, 'Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!'
Wife replies, 'No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!'

Lawyer and inheritance

2008-08-26T03:43:00.000-07:00

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $1,000 a visit.

Without hesitation, the man pulled out ten one-hundred dollar bills, gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs.

After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie.

Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive--and there were no discounts. The price was still $1,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.

After their session, Valerie questioned the man. "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Carolina." "Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's
attorney. She asked me to give you your $3,000 inheritance. "

The moral of the story is that there are three things in life that are
certain:

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

Surgeons

2008-08-25T03:40:00.000-07:00

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients on the operating table.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and butt are interchangeable. "

Talk conversation between NRI husband and his wife.

2008-08-24T02:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You are my sweetheart
Your husband
XYZ

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.
3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses
instead of the rent.
4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him
some other items...........
5. Other expenses 40 kisses .

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I
hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise !!!

Your Sweet Heart
ABC

Oh, Those Darn Lawyers

2008-08-23T01:43:00.000-07:00

Two lawyers, Jon and Mike, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Mike a $50 bet. Mike agrees and they're off. They shoot a great game. After the 8th hole, Mike is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
''Help me find my ball. Look over there,'' he says to Jon. After a few minutes, neither has any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Mike secretly pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. ''I've found my ball!'' he announces.

''After all of the years we've been partners and playing together," Jon says, "you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks?''

''What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there!''

''And you're a liar, too!'' Jon says. ''I'll have you know I've been STANDING on your ball for the last five minutes!''

Intelligent Sardar :)

2008-08-22T01:38:00.000-07:00

Bobby returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.

"Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am a Sardar?"

"No son, that's because you are intelligent."

Bobby seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question, "Dad, today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1-10, I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am a Sardar ??"

"No , that's because you are intelligent," replies his father.

Happy with the answer, Bobby poses another question to his father. "Dad, today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am a Sardar?"

The father replies, "No son, that's because you are 31 years old."

Pa Won't Like It ..

2008-08-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise and yelled over to the boy, "Hey Willis, forget your troubles. Come in and visit with us. I'll help you get the wagon up later."
"That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to."

"Aw come on boy," the farmer insisted.

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset."

"Don't be foolish!" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?"

"Under the wagon."

Hooker !!!

2008-08-20T01:36:00.000-07:00

A married couple are lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth anniversary when the wife says, “Darling, as this is such a special occasion I think that it is time I made a confession…. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.”

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife’s eyes and says, “My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years, and I cannot hold your past against you. In fact maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit!”

She said, “I don’t think you understand, my name was Brian and I played rugby for Auckland Blues.”

Top 10 Snappy Comebacks To "Why Aren't You Married Yet"

2008-08-19T01:15:00.000-07:00

10. You haven't asked yet.

09. What? And spoil my great sex life?

08. Just lucky, I guess.

07. I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

06. I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

05. I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

04. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

03. We really want to, but my lover's husband just won't go for it.

02. I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

01. Why aren't you thin?

10 Humorous Definations!

2008-08-18T01:12:00.000-07:00

Women: Person who thinks more with their heart than with their head.

Experience: What you will get while looking for something else.

Zoo: A place advice for animals to study the habits of human beings.

Adam: The only man in the world who couldn't say," Pardon me, haven't I seen you before?"

Dentist: A person who extracts both your teeth and money.

Bald: When one has less hair to comb and more face to wash.

Death: Stop sinning suddenly.

Neighbour: A person who is out of something.

Smile: A small curve that solve big problems.

Kitchen: Final laboratory of housewife.

Sardar Kidnapping a Kid!!

2008-08-17T00:54:00.000-07:00

There was a Sardarji who was down on his luck.

In order to raise some money he decided to kidnap a
kid and hold him for ransom.

He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him
behind a tree,

and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

Sardarji then wrote a note saying:

"I've kidnapped your kid.

Tomorrow morning, put Rs.2,00,000 in a paper bag

and put it beneath the mango tree on the north side
of the city

playground".

Signed: "A Sardarji".

Sardarji then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and
sent him home to

show it to his parents.

The next morning the Sardarji checked, and sure
enough a paper bag was kept beneath the mango tree.The boy was sitting next
to the bag. Sardarji opened up the bag and found the Rs.2,00,000 in cash
with a note saying:

"How can a sardarji do this to a fellow Sardarji?

Take the money, and Please leave my son."

Whats my age ?

2008-08-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

Teacher: (1)There is a frog, (2)Ship is sinking, (3)potatoes cost Rs 3/kg. Then,
what is my age?

STUDENT: 32 yrs.

Teacher: How do you know?

STUDENT: Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.

EXAM >>

2008-08-09T20:25:00.000-07:00

A gorgeous girl walks up 2 a a professor's cabin and says I will do anything 2 pass in the exam.
Professor: anything ! ?

Girl: ya
Prof: open your books and study.

Wife is a Wife !!!!!

2008-08-07T20:50:00.000-07:00

A Wife is a Wife,
no matter who
THE HELL
you are!!

Suicide !!!

2008-08-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

2 Lovers plan to suicide.

Boy jumped first, Girl closed her eyes & return back saying love is blind.

Boy in air opened his parachute saying love never dies.

Beauty Parlourr :)

2008-08-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

# Seen on a famous beauty parlor:

Don't whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your
grandmother!

Success n Relative

2008-08-04T11:23:00.000-07:00

# Seen on a bulletin board:

Success is relative. More the success, more the relatives.

Barber ..

2008-08-03T11:22:00.000-07:00

# Sign at a barber's saloon :

We need your heads to run our business.

God n Terrorist

2008-08-02T11:21:00.000-07:00

Its God's responsibility to forgive the terrorist organizations.
It's our responsibility to arrange the meeting between them and god."

Stupidity !!

2008-07-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

Q: What is the Extreme height of stupidity?

Answer: Two stupids Sitting in a Auto and fighting for corner seat!!!

Funny

2008-07-21T08:33:00.000-07:00

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?

Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

~~~~~~~~~

Man : my wife is too good.
She can talk on any subject for hours.

Friend : Ahh!!! My wife is better,
She does not even need a subject to talk about.

Kiss

2008-07-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

Never kiss police woman.

She will say Stop and hands up.

Never kiss nurse.She will say next.

Always kiss ur teacher.
She will say repeat it 5 times.

SARDAR DETECTIVE !!!

2008-07-19T07:12:00.000-07:00

A policeman was testing 3 Singh brothers who were training to become
detectives.

To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the
first Singh a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. 'This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?'

The first Singh answers, 'That's
easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!' The policeman
says, 'Well...uh.. .that's because the picture I showed is his side profile.'

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second Singh and asks him, 'This is your suspect, how
would you recognize him?'

The second Singh smiles and says, 'Ha! He'd be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!' The policeman angrily responds,

'What's the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are
showing because it's a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer
you can come up with?'

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third Singh
and in a very testy voice asks, 'This is your suspect, how would you
recognize him?

He quickly adds, 'Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.' The Singh
looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, 'The suspect wears
contact lenses.' The policeman is surprised and speechless because he
really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. 'Well, that's an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that.' He leaves the room and goes to his office,checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.

'Wow! I can't believe it. It's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation? '

'That's easy,' the Singh replied. 'He can't wear regular glasses because he
only has one eye and one ear.'

Mouthwash

2008-07-18T09:55:00.000-07:00

Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"

Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"

Santa and exams

2008-07-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?

A: Because it was an entrance exam.

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.

Banta: He probably got a lot of applause when he got out.

Santa: I didn't say he got out.

santa and banta

2008-07-16T09:52:00.000-07:00

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.

Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

************ ********* ********* ********* ********* *******

Santa: I'm a proud father. My son is in medical college.

Banta: What's he studying?"

Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!

Santa and Platform.

2008-07-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.

Banta: Santa u'll die.

Santa: U'll die bcoz haven't u heard train is coming on platform?

santa and banta

2008-07-13T09:52:00.000-07:00

Santa's Wife

2008-07-13T09:46:00.001-07:00

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?

Banta: Me too, after u leave.

Santa n Judge

2008-07-13T09:45:00.001-07:00

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.

The judge: What'll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.

Santa: I think I'll take the money.

Dog n Mother Tngue

2008-07-13T09:43:00.000-07:00

Q: Why dogs don't marry?

A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

--------------------------------------
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?

Santa: Very long!

Santa Letter to Nurse...

2008-07-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

Santa falls in luv with a nurse...
After much thinking,
he finally writes a love letter to her:
"I luv u sister."

Husband n WIfe Meaning...

2008-07-03T09:03:00.000-07:00

WHY does a man want to have a WIFE?

Because:

(W)ashing
(I)roning
(F)ood
(E)ntertainment

WHY does a woman want to have a HUSBAND?

Because:

(H)ousing
(U)nderstanding
(S)haring
(B)uying
(A)nd
(N)ever
(D)emanding

Suspicious Wife...

2008-07-02T11:02:00.000-07:00

A wife suspected that her husband was having an affair with the housemaid.

She thought of a plan to take him by surprise.

One Friday she told the maid to take the day off and that night she went into the maid's room, switched off all the lights and, in pitch darkness, slipped into the bed.

Sure enough at midnight, there were footsteps and a figure opened the door and slipped into the maid's bed beside her...

After a few passionate kisses, the wife suddenly switched on the lights and asked, "Surprised?"

"I sure am, ma'am!" stammered the chauffeu r.

DOCTOR !!

2008-06-25T11:41:00.000-07:00

To address an emergency call a doctor came to see a rich patient at his home, who was screaming with extreme stomach pain and was surrounded by many anxious relatives. Doctor kicked all the relatives out of the room, closed the door with patient and he inside.

After a while he came out and asked, "Please give me a scissors." People gave him a stainless steel scissors. He again went inside, closed door and came back soon. He said, "Please give me a hammer." He got one. He repeated the routine of going inside, closing door and then coming back again for a new tool a few times.

He came outside one more time and asked, "Please give me a screw driver." With every of his requests for surgical tools the tension amongst the relatives was mounting high. The oldest son could not hold himself, broke down and lost his patience.

In a crying voice he pleaded, "Doctor please tell us what has happened to our dear Dad. Will he live? Could we open his will?"

The doctor said, "No, I don't know that yet. I am still trying to open my damn bag, I lost the key."

Breaking Plates!!!

2008-06-23T11:57:00.000-07:00

mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence.

The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.

Confusing Mathematics

2008-06-23T11:56:00.001-07:00

Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8.
If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?

Mather n David ....

2008-06-23T11:54:00.001-07:00

Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now.

Mather n David ....

2008-06-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

Lord and Einstein !!!

2008-06-19T22:09:00.000-07:00

Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.

Looking up, he asks the Lord...
"God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

"Einstein asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Einstein asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."

Banta SIngh to Bill Gates

2008-05-29T01:12:00.000-07:00

Letter is from Banta Singh of Punjab to Mr. Bill Gates of Microsoft
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some
problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I brought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is noteven a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only..

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God shake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,

Banta

Sardar and Animals !!!!

2008-05-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

TEACHAR : tell me 5 water animals.

SARDAR : fish

TEACHAR : good, next 4

SARDAR : fish da puttar, fish di kudi, fish da pra aur usdi MAA.......

Doctors and Patients !!

2008-05-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

Three Doctors are dicussing which types of patients they prefer.

Doctor Watson says, ''I prefer librarians. All their organs are alphabetized.''

Doctor Fitzpatrick says, ''I prefer mathematicians. All their organs are numbered.''

Doctor Ahn says, ''I prefer lawyers. They are gutless, heartless, brainless, spineless, and their heads and rear ends are interchangeable.''

More Definations

2008-05-24T12:11:00.000-07:00

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death

Prayer is not a spare wheel that you pull out when YOU ARE IN TROUBLE
It is a steering wheel that keeps you on the right path throughout your life

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance....

Never believe what the lines of your hand predict about your future, because people who don't have hands also have a future... Believe in yourself

You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

Definations

2008-05-24T12:10:00.002-07:00

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definations

2008-05-24T12:10:00.001-07:00

Definations

2008-05-24T12:09:00.000-07:00

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Definations

2008-05-24T12:08:00.002-07:00

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Father: A banker provided by nature.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Dictionary

2008-05-24T12:08:00.001-07:00

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Compromise

2008-05-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Conference

2008-05-24T12:06:00.002-07:00

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Lecture

2008-05-24T12:06:00.001-07:00

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

Tears

2008-05-24T12:05:00.001-07:00

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Marriage

2008-05-24T12:04:00.002-07:00

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Nurse

2008-05-24T12:04:00.001-07:00

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Life Insurance

2008-05-24T12:03:00.000-07:00

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

School

2008-05-24T12:02:00.000-07:00

School: A place where Papa pays and Son plays.

Glasses

2008-05-24T10:53:00.000-07:00

Without u ,life is black and white
Without u ,the world is no hops no light
Without u t can't go left or right
Without u i lose my sight
Thank u my glasses

AnimalPlanet....

2008-05-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

This is not fair! How could u do this? Didn't expect this from you! Got a whole Channel on your name and didn't even tell me?
Animal Planet!

Brain Transplant...

2008-05-24T10:50:00.000-07:00

If I ever go for a brain transplant I'd like 2 use ur brain. It's not because u r a genius. I would only like a brain that has never been used.

How to ask your Boss for a salary increase?

2008-05-10T07:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company.

I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,

The next day, the employee recieved this letter of reply:

Dear,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet.

NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad.

I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Einstein and Hitler !!!

2008-05-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

Teacher:
U idiots! At Your Age, Einstein Ranked First in Class. What about You???

Student:
Sir, At Your Age, Hitler Committed Suicide..! What about You???

Man and Beggar !!!

2008-05-01T07:58:00.000-07:00

Once a man was waiting for a taxi.

A beggar came along and asked him for some money. The man ignored him. But being a professional, the beggar kept on pestering him. The man became irritated when he realized that the beggar would not leave him alone unless he parts with some money.

Suddenly an idea struck him.He told the beggar, "I do not have money, but if you tell me what you want to do with the money, I will certainly help you." "I would have bought a cup of tea", replied the beggar.

The man said, "Sorry man. I can offer you a cigarette instead of tea". He then took a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered one to the beggar.

The beggar told, "I don't smoke as it is injurious to health."

The man smiled and took a bottle of whisky from his pocket and told the beggar, "Here, take this bottle and enjoy the stuff. It is really good".

The beggar refused by saying, "Alcohol muddles the brain and damages the liver".

The man smiled again. He told the beggar, "I am going to the race course.Come with me and I will arrange for some tickets and we will place bets. If we win, you take the whole amount and leave me alone".

As before, the beggar politely refused the latest offer by saying, "Sorry sir, I can't come with you as betting on horses is a bad habit."

Suddenly the man felt relieved and asked the beggar to come to his home with him. Finally, the beggar's face lit up in anticipation of receiving at least something from the man. But he still had his doubts and asked the man, "Why do you want me to go to your house with you".

The man replied, "My wife always wanted to see how a man with no bad habits looks like ?"

Birth!!!

2008-04-29T07:52:00.000-07:00

A Teacher lecturing on population - In India after
Every 10 sec a

woman gives birth to a kid.

A Sardar stands up- we must find & stop her!.

Graveyard

2008-04-28T07:57:00.000-07:00

Flash news: A 2 seater plane crashed in a graveyard in

punjab . Local

sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still

digging for more..

Writing

2008-04-28T07:56:00.002-07:00

Sardar was writing something very slowly.

Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly?

Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read

very fast.

Modern Art

2008-04-28T07:56:00.001-07:00

Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible

looking thing is

what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

Last Wish !!!!

2008-04-28T07:55:00.001-07:00

Sardar's wish :when i die,i wana die like my grandpa who died

peacefully in his sleep not screamin like all the

passengers in the car he was driving..

Post Delivery

2008-04-28T07:54:00.002-07:00

Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet

Sardar:- why did u come so far. Instead u could have

posted it....

Lottery

2008-04-28T07:54:00.001-07:00

Sardar wins 20 cr from Rs. 20 lottery ticket. Dealer

gave 11cr after

deducting tax. Angry Sardar: "Give me 20 cr or else

return my 20 Rs back.!

Salary Expected

2008-04-28T07:53:00.001-07:00

Sardarji was filling up application form for a job. He

was not sure as to what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".

After much thought he wrote : Yes!

Terrorist Attack!!!

2008-04-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

Statistics of Terrorist Attack

How to Copying !!!!!!

2008-04-28T07:45:00.000-07:00

Copying a Word Document.

Last Painting

2008-04-28T07:40:00.000-07:00

The last Painting of Santa Sing....

Father !!!!!

2008-04-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:As old as I am.
Teacher:How is it possible?
Sunny:He became father only after I was born. (1st Rank)

Coincidence !!!!!!

2008-04-28T07:19:00.002-07:00

Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."

Brotherly LOVE

2008-04-28T07:19:00.001-07:00

Teacher : Now children , if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him then what virtue would I be showing ?
Student : BROTHERLY LOVE

Maths !!!!!!!

2008-04-28T07:18:00.001-07:00

Question:What is the fullform of maths.
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students

Gandhiji

2008-04-28T07:17:00.001-07:00

Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.

PM not AM

2008-04-27T07:35:00.000-07:00

man asked his wife why Tony goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning wife replied Tony is PM not AM

Water the Plants...

2008-04-27T07:33:00.001-07:00

Man told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Man : "So what? Take an umbrella and go."

Future Tense !!!

2008-04-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Student : The future tense is "u will go to jail"

Winning the Cup !!!

2008-04-27T07:27:00.000-07:00

Man: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Man - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

Bar and Cell Phone !!!

2008-04-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

A man in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

Weather Forecast

2008-04-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

Once a man was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

Bean in School !!!!!

2008-04-27T07:20:00.000-07:00

How do you recognize Bean in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board

Parking Fine !!!!

2008-04-27T07:19:00.000-07:00

A man comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for complement."

TV News

2008-04-27T07:17:00.002-07:00

A man complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Man: "I was watching TV news..."

Oh God

2008-04-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

Husband : People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Husband : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

Remarry !!!

2008-04-27T07:14:00.000-07:00

Husband: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Husband : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

Dreams

2008-04-27T07:13:00.000-07:00

Man: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Man : Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.

My Son

2008-04-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

Man : I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Man: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

New Mobile

2008-04-27T07:09:00.000-07:00

A Man bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"

Station !!!!!

2008-04-27T03:37:00.001-07:00

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say....

Y Learn !!!

2008-04-27T03:36:00.000-07:00

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

Relatives n Friends

2008-04-27T03:34:00.000-07:00

God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.

Work n Hours

2008-04-27T03:33:00.002-07:00

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours